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Diamonde Lou

34 months ago

Why do people Blame the victim of abusers?

My ex was really abusive physically and verbally. Any of my friends who iv talked to about it have defended him saying oh he must have been really drunk, or you must have pushed him to do it, or he was probably only joking even though he knocked me out, head butted me repeatedly, threw me against wall on the ground everything. The only ones who stopped defending him are the ones who listened to how bad the abuse was. People have even said oh so why did you stay in the relationship but its so easy for them to say that they have no idea what its like to be with a person who breaks you down so small that you believe your nothing and that your the problem and that you need to work harder to stop the abuse. It took everything in me to leave that relationship. I did it on my own with the help of know one and all anyone said was why did you say? or what did you do? Why do people blame the victim?
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Rabih Gabriel

  34 months ago
No need to feel shameful what you did..leaving your partner. You are a couragous woman with a good gut t. The abuse whether is physical or moral is considered as a one aspect of the domestic violent too many women are subject too. I have to say. psychologically your partner detect the weakness poinys in your personality and try to manipulate to his benefiit..you shouldn't stay as long with him as you did..may be you thought you might tolerate his actions in the hope he would change, but unfortunately he continued to undermine your dignity as a human. Now.. you are out of it and you gained freedon, but also you gained experience and wisdom for your next relationship..Be happy and look ahead with optimism because better days are ahead of you..Sometimes our present suffering can be the foundation of our future happiness and I knoiw what I am saying.. Nice to share our votes and opinions.. Take care
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livingstoneb

  34 months ago
thats terrible what he did and he has issues obviously - its a great pity that someone did not smash his face in so he knows what its like. Anyway people who blame the victim are just a waste of space and do not listen to them as they are ignorant and do not know any better. I commend you for breaking free and you have drawn strength from this -
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mary-frances1

  34 months ago
All victims should be listened to and given the empathy and compassion and respect that they deserve. Sadly, even today, in this new millenium, issues of child abuse, domestic violence, bullying in school and the workplace, molestation, robbery, rape etc continue to take place in our so called civilized and developed society. It is easy to blame someone, calling them an "enabler", "vulnerable", "timid", or perhaps, "wild", "putting themselves in that position", Lets take care of the real fact that it takes a certain amount of strength and mental fortitude to act out these behaviors and victimize another person !!! To all victims you have my utmost sympathy, and to all abusers, a warning, don't cross my path !!!
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amz24591

  34 months ago
As maybe they cant see the abuser doin any of them things the victim said that happened . there are always ppl who take the abuser side and who take the victim side . people cantcome to tearms with jst sayin he jst felt like it ( he hit me for no reason) u must of edge him r sumtin witch in most case is untrue u did nothin wrong . tthe abuser gets off on a high when he hits the person as he is in contol and knows u wont fight back r leave as u r 2 scared . u wont stand up for urself . people who take the abuser side shud watch that film with jennifer lopez in it . it is about a married women f who gets beaten by her husband for no reason he even sends ppl after her wen she gets away tryin ta kill her but she fights back i taught is was a very gud film ppl shud watch dis if they think all abusers dnt start it dt de victims does . she encourages young women 2 walk away from violet relationship s to stand up for themselves learn self devence. my mother always told me if he hits u once walk away if u stay he is only goin to do it again . if u cnt get away try n get help or call the police as eventually he will get fed up off all de beating n might jst want 2 end it!! and no 1 deserve to b treated like dat . i blame the abusers
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jimbobjake

  34 months ago
Don't believe them, no one and i mean no one has the right to physically or mently or verbally abuse anybody, drunk or not, abuse is abuse and its easy for these so called friends to say when its not happening to them and i would'nt think much of my friends if the made excusses for that kind of behaver. A friend is ment to be there for you no matter what. The hardest thing is to walk away but its for the best because you're health is you're wealth and i hope you stay away have a better life.:) :) :)
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eiramnna

  34 months ago
i think you deserve to be highly praised it sounds like you had a very rough time but that you stood up for yourself and took action against him not by fighting back and going down to his level but by doing the right thing and gettting out of the relationship!! he should be locked up if you hit someone on the street you can get jailed for months so why then can these people get away with hitting others just because they are in a relationship with them i think it makes it worse you think this person is loving and caring but it is fair from it... p.s i hope your doing well now and that your happy :)
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double 0 jim

  34 months ago
i belive the abusers should always be heavily punished to the full extent of the law
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gillian coyne

  34 months ago
no one should blame the victim, only the abuser. i think it is digusting.
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worldwind

  34 months ago
The only person who blames a vitim of abuse is someone who has not been in firing line of it. For the simple reason that they don't understand it. It's such a complex thing, and usually no one wants to think of someone doing something so awful, and against human nature. I personally would never condone, or make reasons for someone who did that, and would debate with them over it, and state my stance. You should try, and be strong, and stand your ground when poeple say those things. You've been strong once before, and you can do it again so don't let people put you down, and have a discussion about it, and stand your ground. Hope my opinion helps.
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